well you can't waste a boner
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Randomize
