She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
