the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
