Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
