The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
