just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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