and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
