there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
