So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
