i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
