There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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