he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
