Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
