Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
