he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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