Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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