Can i not drive my cunt home
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
