Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
