Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
