a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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