hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
