those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
