he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
