wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
