maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
