I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
