what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
