My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
ugly people sure do ruin things
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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