I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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