Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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