i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
