Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
