apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
