we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
