I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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