on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
