Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
