I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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