I hate your face
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
