I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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