I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
