i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
