Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
