Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
