Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
