Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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