I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
