5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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