goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just gargled with NyQuil
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
