I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
