You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
