everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
