So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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