No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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