I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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