Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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