belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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