i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
