ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
