I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
