I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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