Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
