I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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