Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
