The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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