Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
